�Who Says You Can�t Teach an Old Dog a New Trick or Two�

The Stranger

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town.
From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

He has a wife now….we call her ‘Computer.’ Their first child is “Cell Phone”. Second child “I Pod.”

How terrible life would be without PROGRESS. In fact anyone over 65 – plan and simple – would be lucky to still be around!

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions’.

‘Onions?’

‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,

‘Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’

‘A Christmas tree?’

‘Yes – the root’s dead and the balls are just for decoration.’

WHAT CONFUCIUS DIDN’T SAY!

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Just a collection of internet silly’s your — enjoy your week

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Open ended questions almost always lead to fictional answers. The hardest thing we must learn in the art of communication is that others do not think the same as we do and while clarity in delivering our comments or questions requires additional effort on the part of the speaker, the results for the most part end up providing what we were indeed seeking.

Some folks ride the train of life

You gotta drive the train!

Author Unknown

I have preached this to my son’s for years – if you don’t drive the train – no one will drive the train!

The Burning Hut

Life is nothing but our perception of life – no more – no less.

The only survivor of a shipwreck washed up on a small, uninhabited island. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stung with grief and anger.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. “How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn’t lose heart, even in the midst of pain and suffering.

Remember next time your little hut is burning to the ground – when one door closes another door opens and when times appear to be at their worst – in most cases you are just around the corner from the home stretch.

To give up has never helped anyone ever accomplish anything. Just dig deeper and know you can do it.

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

Author Unknown

So true of the way we as human’s tend to view life -from our immediate perspective. Needing to be right when in fact there is an excellent chance that the other person is every bit as accurate in their perception as we are in ours. Wisdom is the to ability to consider the possibility that there is a great deal more involved in all situations, than meets the eye.

Lesson 35

Reflections on life based upon the book “God Never Blinks – 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours” By Regina Brett

Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Really Does Make You Stronger.

Cancer and I met the day I woke from a surgical biopsy on February 19, 1998, to a new life. Everything before that fell on the other side of the time line of life: B.C. Before Cancer.

In the end, cancer made me tougher. Sinus infection? Flu? Pulled muscle? No problem. My attitude now: So what. Fear? Who cares. I used to be scared when I wrote my column. What others call writer’s block I call page fright. All the doubt and insecurities would beat me up. Now, no more hedging, no more tiptoeing. I speak up with no regrets, no fears, no holding back. If I don’t say it now, when will I?

Regina then goes on in more detail of how she felt and dealt with the various aspects of her disease. In closing she states. “Am I cured? All these years of life say yes, but I look at it this way: I got a daily reprieve. And I’m not wasting a minute of it.”

I was talking to one of my sons this morning and he mentioned how a friend had spoken to a friend who it very famous and has more money than he would ever be able to spend. His friend stated, “If I want anything I can just go buy it, but the one thing I think about most is ending my life.” I guess that pretty much kills the belief money can buy happiness. But that’s not the point of the comment – the point is that living is a choice and existing is also a choice. We all have a choice.

The key as I see it is to quit focusing on our problems and get on with living. I have a saying that I expanded from an existing saying “Live ~ Laugh ~ Love” – I added learn “Live ~ Learn ~ Laugh ~ Love” because really – that’s what I see as our primary purpose in life – learning. Regina learned how to overcome cancer and she learned than there is more to life than just existing or better yet she learned how to move past the woes of a self induced Pity-pot.

We all face adversity each day and it’s our personal perspective than forms our response – no one else can affect our internal balance unless we chose to give weight to external sources. To get the most from our life we must be willing to embrace each minute as Regina says and look for the education it presents to us – after all that’s our primary purpose in life is it not – evolution!

Last year I was thinking it would be nice to see my sons working together, making music again. I wanted it to be fun and light, because after 12 years under the international spotlight, I felt it would be good for them to drop the serious and to “PLAY” music again. I wanted to find a way to bring back the spark that was there before all the pressures of # 1 singles and Platinum albums.

And then it came to me (wasn’t me – it came to me) – create a fictional character – someone that was outside of everyone’s ego – so that we could jointly create every element.

And so Lefty Nelson was born.

Lefty Nelson is The Great Canadian Country Crooner (Country Music Comic). The four boys and I for the most part write the songs – that’s the easy part – from there they all need to work together sending files over the internet. As they all play various instruments and sing different harmony parts, which means a lot of files need to be sent.

Scott (lives in Bangkok) and is the lead producer of 6 tracks and Bob (lives in Nashville) is the lead producer of the other 3 tracks. Clint also lives in Nashville while Dave lives in Toronto and everyone has an equal say – that can still be a tough one. haha

But that’s not all there is to Lefty Nelson.

My brother Bill, is an Auto body painter and painted the guitar. My buddies Dennis and Matt are comics and are assisting me with Lefty’s lines. My Buddy Vinny is a tailor and made the suit. My buddy Greg is an engineer and is recording one lead vocal and extra little parts for Lefty in BC and he shot the “I Like Drink’n” video. Greg’s wife Nonie is a professional photographer and took the photos for Lefty’s promo shots. Bob’s wife and Clint’s girl friend helped film the “I Wanna Marry Wana” video and added vocals to the record and my buddy Carl let Lefty use his property and jeep for the “I Like Drink’n” video.

So there ya have it a team effort – without help – Lefty would not be a reality. When we take time to appreciate all of those who help us on a daily basis every day – how could we not be grateful about our opportunity to LIVE here on earth.

Lefty’s videos:
I Wana Marry Wana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zZ1EbDoT_s
I Like Drink’n: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kmzj5C4DLI

Lefty’s Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lefty-Nelson/209756279074694?sk=wall

I hope this puts a smile on your face

Lesson 32

Reflections on life based upon the book “God Never Blinks” 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours” by Regina Brett.

Your Job Won’t Take Care of You When You Are Sick, But Your Friends Will. Stay in Touch with Them.

In today’s lesson Regina began with, “There is something about turning 40 that makes people want to celebrate by decorating with black balloons and sending cards that graphically detail bald heads, wrinkled faces, sagging breasts, and protruding bellies. Forty seems to be the halfway point between here and death, the beginning of the end of life as we know it.”

The story moves on to her husband and how he was struggling with his 40th B-day. From there she took things into her own hands and had 40 friends write him a special letter on how he impacted each of their lives.

“When the day came, we went out for dinner and a movie and had desert with a handful of friends. Afterward, Bruce expressed relief about how well the day had gone. Then I handed him the box… He laughed so hard he cried. He felt so moved he wept. In all 40 people performed open-heart surgery on Bruce.”

“My job? The newspaper somehow got printed on the days I was too sick to write. That world kept turning without me. My friends? They kept my world turning.”

Life never ceases to amaze me and how what I need to know conveniently appears – just last night I was speaking with a friend of mine in India and he is seriously concerned about his health as is his doctor – but at the same time he is stressing about his bills and his job. His doctor told him after you die who will pay the bills – your wife and child need you – you can get another job after you are well?

I then shared with him my understanding of my past and raising my children (a set of triplet boys and one son 11 months older) I honestly couldn’t tell him how I made it through – BUT I DID – because I had support from family and friends and he will too!

In fact we all do – and having a mansion and six cars and our child attending the finest school doesn’t mean we will be more alive or more happy than the guy living under a bridge. Simply put – we live until we die. But we can enjoy the journey – we don’t need to sweat the small stuff and we don’t need to allow the fiction of our futuristic fears stop us from accepting whatever we have right now as perfectly OK. We get what we need – not always what we want.

As for my self I have a bald head, a wrinkled face, sagging pecs (haha – no breasts here), and for the most part a protruding belly, but you know what? Right NOW – at this exact moment it’s a darn good day – because I’m alive and I have a lot of good friends! Thank You!!