�Who Says You Can�t Teach an Old Dog a New Trick or Two�

The act of honesty is only difficult when we believe we have something to lose.

The Emperor’s Seed

Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different.

He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.” The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!”

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

Author Unknown, Source Unknown

A little boy came running excitedly to his mother saying: “Mom, there is a boy out there in the woods who is mocking me. Everything I say he says after me. If I say: “Hello,” he says: “Hello.” When I say “Who are you?” he says: “Who are you?” “So I got mad and jumped over the fence and went into the woods to find him. But he wasn’t anywhere. So I yelled, “I’ll punch you in the nose.” And he said the very same thing, exactly as I had said it.”

The boy’s mother told him, “That is only an echo answering you Billy. If you had said: ‘I love you,’ it would have said the same to you.”

She went on to tell her son a a similar story about a dog who went into a room full of mirrors. He eventually died of exhaustion trying to fight his mirrored ‘enemies.’ If he had only wagged his tail once, he would have had all of them wagging their tails in friendship.

As a parent we have reflected many of our behaviors upon our children. Thus we must teach our children honesty from our deepest core and admit that as a parent we were flawed and made countless errors. Then we must ask our children for forgiveness – for it is when we ask our children for forgiveness – we allow them to understand that they are our equals and that everyone is flawed.

It is through this humility that we give our children the greatest gift we can give them – we give them the opportunity to forgive us and it is through that forgiveness that they learn to forgive themselves.

You ever hear people say – “Hey that’s just the way it is – its destiny – what can I do about it?”

Well personally I think it’s a copout because there are a few additional factors that need to be entered into the equation before we just throw up our hands and walk away.

First – we have a responsibility to be honest – with others yes, but most importantly with ourselves. I personally believe I have played my part in everything that has happened in my life and until I was willing to accept that I was responsible for my situations and I became willing to be accountable for these situations there was no way out of my personal dilemmas. From there I had to accept if I wanted things to change I needed to be honest and accept that it was I that needed to make the changes. Key point – if I blamed others I gave away my opportunity to induce change, because if I blamed I gave away control over the situation.

Second – we have a responsibility to act – and to act to the best of our ability. This is why honesty came first – as human beings we have a friendly ego that can justify anything and is chalk full of excuses why what we’ve done was good enough – but if we are willing to accept the truth our conscience will always let us know if we’ve truly done our best. For myself I have come to the brutal reality that I can always do better, that doesn’t mean I beat myself up when I don’t do my best – but it lets me know that if I am not happy where I am, I have an opportunity to improve it.

Third – we need the support and help of others – and must be willing to humble ourselves to ask. No one has ever done anything on this planet alone; everything we have ever done has required the help of someone else. I can’t even eat breakfast without knowing I need to be grateful to some farmer somewhere for his or her efforts. So how could I ever attain my destiny without teachers, supporters, friends, family and so many countless others that have assisted me to be what I am and to be what my destiny will be?

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

I AM THE COMPANY

MY BUSINESS IS

LISTENING TO PEOPLE.

STAYING ALERT.

GETTING UP IN THE MORNING.

LIVING WITH PURPOSE.

TAKING TIME FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.

ASKING GOD FOR PERSONAL DIRECTION AND WISDOM EVERYDAY.

KNOWING THAT THE HARDER I WORK, THE LUCKIER I GET.

NOT SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF.

FOLLOWING THROUGH ON MY PROMISES.

WRITING DOWN MY GOALS.

KEEPING THEM WITH ME ALL THE TIME.

SPENDING LESS THAN I MAKE.

HAVING A PLAN: FOR TODAY, TOMORROW, THIS WEEK, THIS MONTH. FOR THE NEXT NINETY DAYS.

ENCOURAGINGAND BUILDING UP OTHERS.

LETTING OTHERS PRAISE ME AND MY ACHIEVEMENTS. THAT IS NOT MY BUSINESS.

FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO WHEN NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.

TAKING THE INITIATIVE.

BEING PROACTIVE.

FORGIVING MYSELF WHEN IT ISN’T PERFECT.

TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY CHOICES AND THE RESULTS.

MANAGING MYSELF, NOT OTHERS.

LETTING GO OF BITTERNESS AND BLAMING. NO EXCEPTIONS.

REMEMBERING, IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT ME.

DAVID BEAVERS ~ JANUARY 2010

Last night I had an opportunity to speak to one of my sons about the reality of LOVE!

The Buddha stated that we can only really love one person in our life and that person is our self.

Now to many of us this may sound a bit strange and when I ask most people “Who is the one person you love in your life?” most reply “My mom or my Dad!”

But here is the catch – love is an act – the act of giving; giving kindness, giving patience, giving generosity, giving courtesy, giving humility, giving honesty and giving forgiveness. So how can we give away something unless we already have it? Well logically it’s impossible, because we can’t give away anything unless we already possess it. Therefore, the claim of the Buddha that we must first love our self makes complete sense. Well at least to me. So again, once we love of our self, then and only then can we give it away.

So how do we obtain self love – again we must give – for what we give we shall receive – if I give kindness – I feel kind, if I give patience – I feel patient and so on. Therefore “self love” is selfless and unconditional and without question possibly the most difficult pursuit we will ever personally undertake. Why, because self forgiveness is a condition of self love and as Scott Peck spoke of in his book ‘The Road Less Travelled’ we are all self destructive by nature. But we must remember that any improvement is better than no improvement.  

 In addition there other obstacles we must overcome if we are to ever fully understand love. One of the toughest challenges is to accept that love is ‘NOT’ a feeling! How can that be you ask? We watch movies and read books and all the time people are being swept off their feet in the throes of love – but it’s simply not true. Lust, desire, cravings, infatuation, wants, needs, and so forth are the feelings that compel us to seek out the opposite sex, but I assure you these feelings are not love, but rather a genetic desire to procreate. Truth be told these feelings begin to fade after a year or two, leading many people to believe that they are actually falling out of love.

You see love is relatively passive in most relationships (offering to help with dinner, waiting patiently for the toilet) and is not often tested until our ego is shattered because of some perceived wrong that our significant other has inflicted upon us. It is at that moment that we either apply the humility of love or succumb to the taunting of our ego and lash out and proclaiming injustice.

Love teaches us to care, understand and to humble ourselves in these times of difficulty. The true test of love is to overcome our egos desires and needs to protect against pain and hurt and to act positively, supporting others when their actions are damaging to themselves and to the lives of those around them.

For example; today’s’ hot topic – Tiger Woods – Now I don’t condone the actions of Tiger, but as a past member of the fraternity of unfaithful males – I cannot cast the first stone, however I do know why we as human beings succumb to these errors in judgement. Why – to paraphrase an old Waylon Jennings song – we are “Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places”.

Tiger is no different than any other human, he exercised poor judgment as we all have in various ways and at various times in our lives, but he doesn’t need to be ground into the dirt either. He needs to be given love and to be guided to the self love he was in search of.

We can have everything materialistic in life, but without self love we have nothing. The quick fix never works – instantaneous gratification is short lived but slick marketers know our weakness and target it through sex, alcohol, food, clothing, fast cars and multiple other items creating the illusion that there is an external cure for this internal void.

But external gratification is not and never will be the answer. For Tiger and his wife they have their work cut out, but the answer is not for her to leave or for him to run – it’s now time for both of them to roll up their sleeves and get down to the business of LOVE and overcome the immediate demands and pressures of their egos.

At one of Stephen Covey’s seminar’s a man came up to Stephen and said,

“Stephen, I like what you are saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just dont love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”

“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” Stephen asked.

“Thats right.” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”

“Love her,” Stephen replied.

“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”

“Love her.” Stephen again replied.

“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.”

“Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”

“But how do you love when you don’t love?”

Stephen replied, “My friend, love is a verb. Love — the feeling — is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

Any way you slice it, it takes two to tango – so if we want love – we give love.

In Calgary, Alberta a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. That was no longer possible. The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son’s dream to come true.

She took her son’s hand and asked, ‘Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?’

Mommy, ‘I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.’

Mom smiled back and said, ‘Let’s see if we can make your wish come true.’ Later that day she went to her local fire department in Calgary, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Alberta. She explained her son’s final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, ‘Look, we can do better than that. If you’ll have your son ready at seven o’clock Wednesday morning, we’ll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you’ll give us his sizes, we’ll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat – not a toy – one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.’ ‘They’re all manufactured right here in Calgary, so we can get them fast.’

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Calgary that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the Paramedic’s’ van, and even the fire chief’s car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, Billy lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept – that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, ‘We can do better than that.  We’ll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?’ ‘It’s the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?’ About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy’s third floor open window——– 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy’s room. With his mother’s permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.

With His dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, ‘Chief, am I really a fireman now?’

‘Billy, you are, and The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,’ the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, ‘I know, He’s been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.’

He closed his eyes one last time.

In our day-to-day life we have many opportunities to give little gifts to others that will enhance their day and make their life a little bit better. These little gifts are the gift of love. Love is kindness, patience, generosity, courtesy, humility, forgiveness and honesty. Fireman Bob took the time to be kind (to openly and willingly receive Billy’s moms wish and act upon it), he took the time to be patient (to take the time to really listen to Billy’s mom’s need and act upon it), he took the time to be generous (to act and give of his time to have Billy’s uniform made), he took the time to be courteous (he acted in a respectful manor to the pain Billy and his mother were going through), he took the time to be humble (he set his own intentions and needs aside and acted to fulfill the needs of Billy and his mother), he took the time to forgive (he forgave life for taking this young boy at such an early age and acted without resentment or anger) and he took the time to be honest (he took action and fulfilled his commitments to Billy, his mother and to himself) – and it was Fireman Bob’s willingness to act that emotionally pulled at our hearts as we read this story because we all know it is within us too – to be channels of love – all we have to do is find the time and the willingness to give it away.