�Who Says You Can�t Teach an Old Dog a New Trick or Two�

Back in the ’30s, a 10 year-old boy entered the corner store sat at a table. The waitress came over and placed a glass of water in front of him.

The little boy looked up and asked, “How much is a chocolate, strawberry ice-cream sundae?”

“Twenty-five cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled out the coins from his pocket and studied them.

After a minutes he asked, “How much is a plain dish of ice cream?”

The waitress, now noticing more people were entering the store was beginning to grow impatient. “Fifteen cents,” she snapped at him.

The little boy again studied his coins.

“I don’t have all day here! - the waitress barked.

“Sorry, OK I will have the plain ice-cream please.” He said.

The waitress brought over the ice cream, flopped the bowl in front of him, slid the bill under the spoon and then walked away without a word.

The little boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, her eyes filled with tears, because there placed neatly beside the empty dish was a nickel and five pennies.

I can’t even begin to tell you how often I make hasty judgments that I couldn’t be any further from the truth. Why is it so common for us to release our anger and frustration on others, because we think that we or that what we are doing is so much more important than others.

Have we all been treated so poorly that now that we are in a position of authority those smaller or under our control must now pay for our hardships and sorrows?

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about grandfather,” said the son. I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. 

Our children are amazingly astute and perceptive. Their eyes observe everything; their ears hear everything and their minds process every message we convey, audibly and intuitively, positively or negatively.

Point being – parenting isn’t something we can take lightly nor do we inherently acquire these skills. Parenting is a job we must work at daily – we must apply flexibility, humility and patience to our mistakes so that we may continue to grow and expand as loving understanding parents – until the day we die – the job is not temporary

No one is perfect, especially parents! So remember forgiveness starts with our selves, and flexibility to change teaches our children that when they need to change and admit their errors – that it’s OK.

Yesterday I was walking through a number of shopping malls here in Jakarta where I will be doing signing sessions. I was handing out flyers, to promote the event. As I walked around deciding who to hand the flyers to, I made many personal judgments as to who I – THOUGHT – might be interested in improving their second fifty years.

Of course it never ceases to amaze me how far off my judgmental thinking can be, in fact I bet I was wrong more than 50% of the time.

Why – could be many reasons – maybe I was meeting my self fulfilling prophecies that at Taman Anggrek, a bit of a Hi-So mall, people aren’t so friendly and of course I was greeted with exactly what I expected – a wave of their hand, dismissing me as though I was begging for money – which in some ways I guess I was.

Now I knew I had two options – because we always have a least two options. First I could continue to blame these people for being arrogant or I could change my negative emotional thinking and look for a better way to improve my chances of having people receive my flyers and hopefully attend one of my signing sessions.

So my first step was to look at these people with compassion and understanding, which lead me to see these people in a completely different light, and that possibly they weren’t being rude at all. Possibly they couldn’t speak English and as is the case with many Asia people rather than feel embarrassed by their limited English skills, they chose the next best thing which was to say nothing at all.

After my modest personal adjustment, handing out flyers didn’t really improve a great deal, but my attitude certainly did and while many people continued to wave me off, many returned my smile and after a few of these exchanges of kindness – my day certainly improved.

In Calgary, Alberta a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. That was no longer possible. The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son’s dream to come true.

She took her son’s hand and asked, ‘Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?’

Mommy, ‘I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.’

Mom smiled back and said, ‘Let’s see if we can make your wish come true.’ Later that day she went to her local fire department in Calgary, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Alberta. She explained her son’s final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, ‘Look, we can do better than that. If you’ll have your son ready at seven o’clock Wednesday morning, we’ll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you’ll give us his sizes, we’ll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat – not a toy – one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.’ ‘They’re all manufactured right here in Calgary, so we can get them fast.’

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Calgary that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the Paramedic’s’ van, and even the fire chief’s car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, Billy lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept – that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, ‘We can do better than that.  We’ll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?’ ‘It’s the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?’ About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy’s third floor open window——– 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy’s room. With his mother’s permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.

With His dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, ‘Chief, am I really a fireman now?’

‘Billy, you are, and The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,’ the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, ‘I know, He’s been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.’

He closed his eyes one last time.

In our day-to-day life we have many opportunities to give little gifts to others that will enhance their day and make their life a little bit better. These little gifts are the gift of love. Love is kindness, patience, generosity, courtesy, humility, forgiveness and honesty. Fireman Bob took the time to be kind (to openly and willingly receive Billy’s moms wish and act upon it), he took the time to be patient (to take the time to really listen to Billy’s mom’s need and act upon it), he took the time to be generous (to act and give of his time to have Billy’s uniform made), he took the time to be courteous (he acted in a respectful manor to the pain Billy and his mother were going through), he took the time to be humble (he set his own intentions and needs aside and acted to fulfill the needs of Billy and his mother), he took the time to forgive (he forgave life for taking this young boy at such an early age and acted without resentment or anger) and he took the time to be honest (he took action and fulfilled his commitments to Billy, his mother and to himself) – and it was Fireman Bob’s willingness to act that emotionally pulled at our hearts as we read this story because we all know it is within us too – to be channels of love – all we have to do is find the time and the willingness to give it away.

Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.
Eckhart Tolle

In Scott Peck’s book ‘A Road Less Traveled’ he states that we as people are innately lazy. And it’s this laziness that may explain why we want and at times expect others to fulfil our deepest needs and desires. We want our spouse to give us the love we seek so that we can feel loveable. We want our children to give us the appreciation we seek so that we can feel appreciated. We want our friends to give us the acceptance we seek so that we can feel accepted. But why then, when we finally get these gifts from others is the feeling so short lived?

Why is something still missing? Well, from my understanding, we can only accept from others that which we first believe to be true of ourselves and if we are lacking that internal belief in the first place it is because we haven’t done the work necessary to have obtained it, whether it is love, appreciation, acceptance or whatever. Yes the truth is – we haven’t done the work – YET!

So how do we go about actually obtaining the needs we so deeply desire? Well first off we need to take action; if we want to feel love we must be willing to give love away – unconditionally without any expectation of getting anything back. It must be a gift! Now I know this may be hard to comprehend to start, because far too often we have been trained to blame others for our predicaments and feelings, but if you take a moment and look back over your life you will find that the times when you felt the most love was when you were giving love away to someone else, the times when you felt the most appreciated was when you were appreciating someone else and the times when you were feeling most accepted was when you were accepting others.

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Lao Tzu

So the next time you are feeling really good stop and take a moment to see what it is that you are giving away and once you accept this little skill as the truth – you will find that you will have more control over your life and with that control come self respect and with self respect come self love – so it’s all good.