�Who Says You Can�t Teach an Old Dog a New Trick or Two�

Anger tells us that our circumstances need to change. If we can’t let go of anger it is also telling us that we need to change. This is the time when we get into the trenches of our emotions and have the difficult dialogue with ourselves about what happened and how we will choose to deal with it in a healing capacity. It is time we roll up our sleeves and become very honest with ourselves. Out tendencies are to want to feel sorry for ourselves and stay stuck in a victim role. By playing “Poor Me” we disempower ourselves or continue to play the blame game and not take responsibility or positive action in our lives. Instead of seeing the situation as the good guy versus the bad guy, we would be better served to learn the lessons our emotions are trying to teach us and to understand what is making the person behave that way.

Finding Forgiveness – Eileen R. Borris-Dunchunstang

For me this step has played a huge role in my finding forgiveness for myself and others. First off I had to accept that I was a major contributor in each situation or altercation. Not an easy task to face especially when you are quick witted and a consummate pro at making excuses for oneself from accepting my role in any wrong.

As I look back at my past I most certainly was an angry fellow. I was always in a fight and I was always justified for being in that fight. Either I was protecting someone else or I had been unfairly treated. In fact it wasn’t until about a year ago that a very kind woman approached me and asked me why I was always playing the victim role. I couldn’t believe this comment – didn’t she know who I was – obviously she had no idea of all of my accomplishments. I walked away dumbfounded.

But then it hit me – I was a victim and I played this role to the tee. In fact most of my accomplishments were based upon my need of acceptance from others. It’s amazing what an uncontrollable ego can do in twisting ones truth. However once I accepted that I was the victim it allowed me to see how damaging this role can be. It had allowed me to attack others with justification. I was sure people must understand I was only defending myself – I had no choice. I was the good guy. People weren’t appreciating all I was doing for them. They were ungrateful. They were selfish. The “Poor Me” list goes on and on.

Once I became honest and saw my actions for what they were – my attempt to please others so that I could receive the accolades – the anger began to dissipate. In fact in most cases the people I wanted most to impress were so consumed in their problems, they would never have had the time to notice my efforts anyway.

The cool thing is that once I became aware of my issues I was able to have more compassion for those who wore similar shoes. Now when they send their verbal abuse my way – I try to take the approach of the Buddha – I don’t accept their gift. But instead I try my best to offer patience and understanding in return.

Because if there is one thing I learned from all of my years of fighting – whenever I hurt someone – the only thought they ever had was to hurt me back or pass it on to someone smaller – so to stop abuse the abuse must stop here.

The other day I read something in some book, somewhere that seems to ring true a few days later when it just popped back into my head.

If I think about just how amazing I am at anything, my ego will immediately step in and tell me “No you’re not!” and if I think about how poorly I did at something, my spirit will immediately step up and tell me “It wasn’t that bad.”

So what’s the point – accepting normality – I THINK!! haha

I know I am always saying WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE – and we do – the problem is maintaining awareness of where this choice is coming from and are we considering the consequences to OURSELVES when we make our choice.

I don’t think I have ever read anything that has stated the ego is a good thing – well at least not in books that have the big picture in mind. From what I have come to understand is that the ego has one intention in mind – KEEP US FOCUSED ON OURSELF. And when do we suffer our greatest pain – when we are focused on our self.

I don’t believe I have ever met anyone who hasn’t suffered from some form of depression or another. If you are human – you have an ego and your ego will certainly attempt to draw you to the pity pot! Friedrich Nietzsche basically described depression, schizophrenia and anxiety as our unwillingness to face and accept the truth and to aviod our pain. Which makes complete sense – I mean with an imagination like we have, which leads to us to ridiculously unattainable self expectations, who would ever want to face failure like that. BUT if we can maintain rigorous honesty and accept that for every action there is a reaction, then are chances of escaping the pity pot dramatically improve.

The Buddha states that the key to a happy life is to remove the highs and lows and live life in the middle – or better said – balanced. But this is easier said than done. I have a sister, a son and countless friends that hold on to their belief that life is about the highs and they hold on to the belief that living is all about the rush of the highs.

Now this is certainly a hard point to argue against, because we all know the attraction and ecstasy of the highs – but until you become aware of the repercussions and the lows that will follow and the suffering our egos wish to put us through it will be near impossible to alter the craving.

So just take a minute to think of your happiest moments – who were you thinking of when you were happiest? Now take a moment and think about you worst lows – who were you thinking of when you were the lowest?

Even when we lose a family member or loved one - the lows we experience are about what WE have lost.