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Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. That’s why individuals have different attitudes toward wedding rings. Some never take the rings off after the wedding. Others don’t even wear a wedding band. That is another sign that people have different primary love languages. If receiving gifts is my primary love language, I will place great value on the ring you have given me and I will wear it with great pride. I will also be greatly moved emotionally by other gifts that you give through the years. I will see them as expressions of love. Without gifts as visual symbols, I may question your love.

Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. Some are expensive, and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little!

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in ones hand. I call it the gift of self or the gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages

For me the love language “Receiving Gifts” can present a bit of a challenge, because I could personally care less if I ever receive a gift. In fact when I took the love language test I scored a perfect “0″ on “Receiving Gifts.”

So what makes giving or receiving gifts a problem in my relationships? It’s not natural for me to consider this act, in fact I rarely think of gifts. For me it’s far more natural to consider the importance of “Quality Time & Words of Affirmation.” Why? Because those two are MY primary love languages – the languages I consider important – the love languages I want. Where as receiving or giving gifts, well – NO COMPRENDE!

So would it be possible for me to have a relationship with someone whose primary love language was “Receiving Gifts?” Sure – why not! It wouldn’t be easy, but – ALL I NEED TO DO!!!!!! was go the extra mile and focus my awareness on HER needs.

Easy – no sweat – after all I know love is an act of giving, a continual challenge and in most cases flat out work. But it’s not impossible (well Gary said so – haha) – even if the task is completely foreign and far from natural from the way I normally think.

It all comes down to the point that if we give what we need and want – we may feel we are sending love – BUT – if this is not her primary love language, chances are she will still feel empty and unloved.

No wonder so many marriages end up in divorce, it’s not that we are not sending love; it’s just that we haven’t learned to speak the right language.

Over the past week I have been reading an amazing book, “The 5 Love Languages.” Why do I say amazing – because I am completely amazed at how little I knew about this. In fact I had no idea that given this simple information and of course the willingness to act upon it, that the state of my past relationships could have been dramatically altered – if fact in my opinion, if we as a society were educated on these points, I’m convinced that the majority of divorces would never happen. Big statement for sure, considering that divorce rates hover from anywhere between 50% to 75%.

So why isn’t society educated on these points and a book like this a part of the high-school curriculum? I mean aren’t relationships a staple for a healthy, happy life?

Well maybe it might have to do school board politics and not wanting to ruffle too many feathers? Obviously in Canada it’s safer to stick with a curriculum about how some guy floated down a river a hundred years ago than it is to open a new can of worms and trespass on parental boundaries, even if the upside would be to teach children how they might be able to maintain a happy healthy relationship.

In any case for the next 6 or 7 Wednesdays I’m going to expand on this book and some of the points that I found interesting, beginning today with a little overview.

“The 5 Love Languages” was written by Gary Chapman and basically explains how each of us has a primary love language that if filled by our spouse or partner will in most cases ensure a happy and healthy relationship.

The 5 love languages are as follows: Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical touch.

Throughout the book Gary explains each of the love languages with real life examples that show us how we can apply love languages to our relationships.

The book begins with a few examples of how when a person’s love language is not being met they don’t feel loved even if their partner believes in their mind and with all their heart that they are doing everything possible to show love to their partner.

He then clearly explains the difference between the Love and In-Love Experience. The In-Love Experience or romantic love has on average life span of about 18 months to 24 months. Once this period is over most people believe the love is gone and it’s time to move on. Love on the other hand is not purely about feelings and desires, but more so, about hard work. YOU MEAN LOVE DOESN’T COME NATURALLY?

Now I know that everyone has witnessed what they believe to be the perfect marriage so they can prove that it can come naturally, but in most cases that is not the point. What is happening with these perfect marriages is that both parties are speaking the same love language and the same dialect, right from the get go, thus keeping each others love tank full.

Now that doesn’t mean we need to find someone with the same love language to make it work, because nothing could be further from the truth. All we need to do is WORK at speaking our partner’s language.

Does that mean once we learn our partners love language everything will be perfect – HECK NO! But it will certainly reduce the chance that we completely drain our partner’s love tank, where we possibly put an end to the relationship.

You see when our partner first met us – we were as perfect as we could be – so if we kept her love tank full, chances are in her eyes we’d remain that way.

Next week “Words of affirmation”

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