�Who Says You Can�t Teach an Old Dog a New Trick or Two�

Every Friday evening a buddy of mine takes his 6-year old grandson out for a drive, an ice cream cone and good old Grandpa, Grandson connecting time.

One Friday he was feeling kind of rough and couldn’t drag himself out of bed for their weekly escapade.

Luckily, his wife jumped in and offered to fill in for this one Friday.

When they returned, his grandpa asked, “Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?”

“Sure did and we didn’t see one single moron, stupid bastard or loser the whole time.”

For the past few months I have been staying with my parents and I have to be honest – the experience has been wonderful. Seriously I can’t believe how much I’m learning about myself and why I do the things I do and the way I do them.

In addition I think for the first time in my life I have actually been listening to my parents and watching how they react to various situations. Yup they’re human and that’s pretty nice to see. We all have faults but when you observe someone’s faults without judgement those perceived faults actually become quite loveable little quirks.

Really this is simply amazing – but what’s even more amazing is how my parents are accepting constructive criticism on how to adjust the unproductive behaviours and patterns that they’ve been unconsciously following for years. Now I’m not going to get into all of these points individually but I will say this; for 83 and 86 years of age these two are pretty darn open minded, flexible and willing live life to its fullest even if it does require exercising their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual dimensions 2 or 3 times a day. And the change is really obvious to a lot of people.

Now of course it certainly is a lot easier to listen to someone when they aren’t attacking you, blaming you or negatively criticizing you and in the past I have to admit I could be pretty condemning and pretty harsh. However my new found approach (5 years in Buddhist countries) has taught me that I must lead by example, seeking to understand, acting with compassion and look to forgive. You see it’s the forgiving of others that allowed me to forgive myself and it’s that forgiveness of myself that has greatly reduced the condemning and harshness that I dispersed throughout my past.

So I guess what this really all comes down to is that given the right opportunity and a positive loving environment change is possible within all of us. We just need to understand that blame solves nothing, guilt is unproductive and if we want our life to improve it all comes down to our willingness to forgive our self, through the forgiveness of others.

So like my mom used to say – sweep your own door step first.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about grandfather,” said the son. I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. 

Our children are amazingly astute and perceptive. Their eyes observe everything; their ears hear everything and their minds process every message we convey, audibly and intuitively, positively or negatively.

Point being – parenting isn’t something we can take lightly nor do we inherently acquire these skills. Parenting is a job we must work at daily – we must apply flexibility, humility and patience to our mistakes so that we may continue to grow and expand as loving understanding parents – until the day we die – the job is not temporary

No one is perfect, especially parents! So remember forgiveness starts with our selves, and flexibility to change teaches our children that when they need to change and admit their errors – that it’s OK.

Today is December 18th and we are now officially one week away from Christmas. Stores are hopping, cashier lines are long, mall parking lots are near impossible to find a place to park and excitement is building in the minds of most children.

Now don’t get me wrong, the positive impact that Christmas can have on a child is very powerful and may very well be one of the reasons why western culture has such a solid foundation in “Hopes and Dreams.”

But was it really the act of the three wise men that we were to emulate most on this the birth of Christianity’s greatest prophet. Well let’s look at it. The act of the wise men was a sign of respect and goodwill; in fact back in those days’ it was expected to offer gifts to people of power. Therefore if we break it down, when we exchange gifts with our family and friends we too are emulating in our own small symbolic way an act of respect and goodwill towards our family and friends.

So that’s pretty good, but is there more? Well certainly there are additional positive spin-offs associated with the season of goodwill, such as gifts to charitable foundations, to the poor and to the homeless. But I still don’t think that was the primary intent of this day, even if all of the aforementioned are pretty darn good secondary objectives.

For me Christmas is a time to reflect back upon the acts of Christianity’s greatest prophet, what he practiced and what he preached. Whether a person is Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or whatever the teachings of Jesus have a great deal to offer to all mankind. For me the following stands out at this time of year:

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Jesus

There is no better time than today to realize that it is our judgment of others that creates our greatest pain and downfalls. It is our egos that cause us our greatest harm and separate us from others, filling our minds with false illusions of grandeur, supremacy and the need to be right at all costs.

We all have someone we have judged and through that judgment created harm and possibly separated a relationship. So set your ego aside, reach out and make amends without needing anything in return. If we do this unconditionally from the core of our hearts this holiday season will certainly be filled with the true magic of Christmas.

So let this holiday season be the one where your gifts are not purely materialistic, but also from the willingness to humble yourself as you seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted, to understand, than to be understood, to love, than to be loved and where by your act of forgiveness returns to you the grace that you have been forgiven.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress; lawn mower in his hand, and dish-towel in hers. It was the time for fixing things … A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful … Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more. Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away …never to return. So … While we have it … Its best we love it … And care for it … And fix it when it’s broken … And heal it when it’s sick.

This is true… For marriage … And old cars … And children with bad report cards … Dogs and cats with bad hips …  And aging parents … And grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends … We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep. Like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special … And so, we keep them close in heart and mind and spirit.

This was sent to me by a keeper – my good friend Tim